mhmph
hey. thanks for calling lol. tbh i feel like i havent laughed like that in a really long time. lol sheesh stop being so good at making me happy :P
i feel like i havent laughed like that in a long time. and i shouldnt feel like this. i dont know. things just seem more complicated now. im too tense. im worried about college even though i shouldnt care.
i got waitlisted at a school i should have gotten accepted to. i was way over qualified and now thats got me thinking what if i dont get in anywhere? what if nothing else works out? urghhh. i hate this.
i know i gotta leave it up to God but i dont know i just cant let go. i know i need to. i know itll plague me if i dont. its just…im used to having control over this. and now all the power i had to do anything is gone. or maybe thats just my excuse. i dont know anymore.
lol i actually havent gone out with my friends just to hang out and relax in a really long time. i havent been out and about just to kill time in a long time. lol last time i actually went out was probably when my older friends came home for winter break. i need to go outside and see daylight more haha. idk. things get complicated. stuff gets in the way i guess. or im just making excuses again. probably the second one.
ive given up trying with these relationships and friendships. thats a big problem. im losing the people i used to be close to because im too stressed out to care anymore. i guess i miss them. or maybe i just miss feeling that i belong with people. probably the second one. ive felt alone in a crowded room before but not in a room filled with people who i supposedly know. that one hurts way more. lol you know its bad when you dont feel comfortable around your the people you used to call your friends.
i like how so many years ago i said this would happen to us. we’d be all broken up and scrambling to piece us back together. and you said it would never happen. lol well now it is. high school is a bitch. it does that.
i never thought id lose you. but i guess i already lost you quite some time ago. i really thought you could be my constant. but i guess i was wrong. im not sure youre the same girl i was so close with. maybe you are and maybe youve become someone else completely. all i know is i guess i should say my goodbyes soon.
bleh im just confused and messed up right now. and the one person i wish i could get a hug from just to cheer me up is miles and miles away. lol and all im doing is sitting here bitching to my laptop. how pathetic. thats just like me haha
its ironic. lol i wish i was back in junior year. then you’d still be home and everything would still be in my control. at least i could just keep working hard for my grades and my sat score. this year most of it i have to leave up to chance.
urgh. i dont know. i need march to come. just reject me or whatever already. at least i would know. at least it will finally be over with.
fck.
im ready to be done with this year. im ready to move on.
so why does it feel like time is moving so slowly?
i want to get out of here. or i want to go back to last year.
i just cant stand being stuck right here.
urgh.
